Kristin Proft
there's a morphine city
on the edge of my horizon
emanting white
glowing blue
a city frozen
in time
a city of frozen feelings
acceptable feelings.
i am drowning, drowning
yeah, me
i'm drowning
out there, far away
the thick, black
molasses consistancy of the tide
drags at my soul
pulls me farther away
from the pain-killing city
where everyone is
where everyone stands
everyone, that is, except me.
i'm too far out
i look in at your acceptance
of each other
your relaxed state
your frozen hearts
in your morphine city.
oh, in your morphine city.
-kristin proft
December 19, 1996
O - you godless people,
Religious Sinners,
never believing,
for it wasn't convenient in your lives.
You try a little of this,
a little of that,
until you break one god,
then the next.
What have you done to me now -
look where I stand.
You have put me on a pedastal,
something to be adored,
altruistic me?
Oviously no one's felt my heart,
or seen my scarred wrists lately.
O - if you only knew me,
all you Atheistic Sinners,
I would be in your pit of purest hell,
looking up to you,
even as you look down on me.
I impossibly struggle to be
the saint of an atheistic people.
You don't believe in anything -
you don't believe in me.
You only need something,
some divine power,
to blame your next black intentions on.
Go ahead,
use me to your purposes.
If you use me,
maybe I will feel.
O - how I want to feel;
go on, ABUSE ME!
-kristin proft
December 26, 1996
Does kindness exist anymore?
Or are people hard, cruel balls?
Trying to spread joy to others,
wanting them to pass it on,
never being rewarded.
How do you start an epidemic of kindness,
fighting against the disease of hatred?
Will people ever stop talking behind backs,
will they stop their ever-present prejudicing,
could they live in love,
and if not love, at least not hate?
How do you start an epidemic of kindness,
when no one wants to listen,
when people misinterpret your every word,
or look at you with blank stares --
something infinitely worse.
How do you start an epidemic of kindness,
in a world so full of emptiness?
When it's useless to try,
how do you start an epidemic of kindness?
-kristin proft
january 16, 1997
Four years ago, I met you -
a fellow student in my class.
Three years ago, I fell in love with you -
a fellow student in my class.
Against the tide of popular opinion,
I swam, alone,
knowing I could help you to be
who you once were.
Knowing you had been hurt,
knowing you didn't trust anyone,
knowing you needed love.
A year ago, you hurt me -
shattering every dream I had,
yet, stubbornly, I loved you.
Again and again you hurt me.
When I thought I would crumble and die,
There was someone holding me up.
Not you, never you.
Someone completely your opposite.
And here was an outlet for my feelings,
those feelings you cast aside and hurt.
I fell fast and hard,
almost pretending he was you.
I did everything to keep him,
but he played your part well,
and hurt me just the same.
The pain was too much -
his fresh wounds coupled with
yours...those I never faced.
I tried to hang on.
It was no use.
Neither of you
wanted
me.
No one
wanted
me.
Emotion no.59
Once upon a time, I was innocent.
I thought I was invincible,
unbreakable.
now I am broken.
Emotion no.59
-kristin proft
december 28